Quandary: What Do I Want to be When I Grow Up?

Has anyone else ever grown up and still not known what they want to be? I'm sure there are plenty of you out there who feel the same way.  I have been a mom and wife for the last fifteen years. No, I wasn't pressured into it, and no, I don't regret one bit setting aside other ambitions to raise a family. Being a mom is the best decision I have ever made. I feel blessed to have been able to raise my children and be a close, nurturing part of their lives. I would do it again in a heartbeat. But, being a mom is not the type of job that remains the same forever. I have discovered that (like so many other things in life) the roles of motherhood are constantly changing.

When my kids were very young the demands on my time were constant. Little mouths needed to be fed and little bottoms changed. There was a continuous demand for snuggles, cuddles, kisses and hugs. Books were read, baths were given, naps were desperately enforced so that I could steal and hour or two away from the chaos to tidy a room or (heaven forbid) take a shower. It was physically taxing in a way I had never experienced.

But then, guess what? All of that nurturing I faithfully provided over the years worked its magic and before I knew what was happening my children grew. To paraphrase Robert Munsch's Love You Forever, they grew and they grew and they grew. They grew until I now find myself with a teenager, a pre-teen and two others who are following close behind. Everyone is in school all day and my role as a mother, while still very important, has changed. I'm not needed constantly in the same way as before.

The change has been both exciting and confusing because while I've been able to branch out and try new things, I've found it very hard to settle on what it is I actually want to do. I have always looked forward to the day when I could help provide financially to our family. Now that it's here, I have no idea what to do with it. That's not exactly true, I do have about half-a-dozen interests I would love to try. Narrowing it down to only one or two is the tricky part. Add to the quandary my family's unique international life-style and that decision becomes even more complicated.

I am breaking the rules of writing with this little "schpeel" because I have no pre-determined point to make. I have only a list of options rolling around in my brain, and a need to sort them all and make some decisions. I know the right situation is out there for me and I feel like this whole puzzle will be solved through trying, failing, and then re-working and trying again. I'm sure I'll figure things out.

All of this being said, my position as a Mom, though changed, is still my priority. I want to find something that will allow me to do continue to be the mom my kids need in the hours when they are here. I know now how fast time goes by and I want to take advantage of the few remaining years I have left with them at home. As always, they are my number one.

That's all for today. Just felt like getting that out of my mind and into words. I hope all of you out there are finding the things in life that make you happy!