Lessons I've Learned - "It's okay to fail!"

I've decided that I want to start sharing some of the lessons I am learning in my life. Just some of those little thoughts that pop into my head on days when it's too early to call anyone and chat because of the time change. Since we've moved to Brazil, I have had more alone time than usual and I have so much on my mind! Maybe some day my kids will be experiencing some of the same things I am and they can learn from some of my experiences.

I've been thinking a lot about my kids lately. Each one of them is so different, and each one of them has strengths and weaknesses. I think the most important lesson I am learning as a parent is that my kids are not going to be perfect and that's okay. Each one of them is going to have challenges. Some may social, some may be academic. I have one child who struggles with coordination but seems to have a plethera of confidence, while my child who is naturally athletic, tends to feel a bit insecure at times. I have an incredibly intelligent first grader who has trouble keeping his energy under control in his class. I have a daughter who is kind and smart, but has taken a long time to vocalise what is on her mind.

I worry sometimes about how much pressure we put on our kids to be a certain way. We do it lovingly for the most part I think. We want our kids to be successful. Why? Because we want them to be happy. Maybe that is the distinction we should make right there. Success (or what we believe is success) may not necessarily be the same thing as happiness. Happiness comes from being unconditionally loved. For knowing that we are accepted exactly as we are. It comes from making mistakes, and then readjusting our focus and trying again. It comes from failing and trying and failing, and then finally being successful. How sad I would feel later on in life if my kids stopped trying because they were afraid to fail.

My oldest is an incredible kid. Don't mistake me, I think they all are... it's just that he has an incredible gift of persuasion and kindness. He has always been a happy, loving, helpful and insightful person...since birth really. My second son was a bit harder when he was born. He was grumpy and screamed and cried for such a long time. Dan and I tried to be as patient as we could with him. Hoping and praying that he would be okay and grow out of it. When I look back at it, I think that because of some of our challenges with him, our expectations for him were different than his older brother. Not less, but different. As my oldest continues to grow, he is experiencing all of the influences of life and some of his choices are great, while others are surprising to us. His little brother has improved more and more each year. And though they are both great kids, I've noticed that because the oldest was so easy to begin with, we are harder on him now when he makes absolutely age appropriate mistakes. While the younger, we rarely have to get after. I am realising that their challenges are not better or worse than the each others, they are different and unique, just like they are. My oldest deserves just as much patience as he experiences life's up and downs as my younger children do. He is still a child and he will make mistakes. They all will.

I am resolved to accept and help my kids make it through these difficult adolescent years with an knowledge of how much they are loved, and that the mistakes they make are stepping stones to learning. I don't want them to be so afraid of failing that they stop trying. I love them too much.

Thanks for listening!