Well That Was Awkward!

Traveling to different places is always an adventure. Especially when there are different languages, customs, and on occasion, unruly beagles involved. We have been in Belgium for almost two months now and since our arrival I've experienced a few unexpectedly embarrassing moments that I thought I should take the time to write down, if for no other reason than to look back on one day for a good laugh.

     The first awkward occurance happened about a month ago on my way home from the grocery store. Whenever we move to a new post, we are car-less until our vehicle arrives and makes it through customs. It's not too bad, (Love the public transportation in Brussels!) except when it comes to grocery shopping. Typically I wait to shop on the weekends when I can bring Dan and the kids to help me carry bags, but on this particular afternoon, we were out of pretty much everything, and unless I was planning to feed my family jarred pickles and mayonnaise for dinner, it was necessary to make a run to the store on my own. I packed four, large, cloth bags in my purse and took off. I had every intention of buying only what we needed, but of course, the breads here look amazing and the cheese, and chocolate, and before I knew it, all four bags were stuffed full and I was packing everything home like a donkey.
    I must have looked even more ridiculous than I felt, because half way home, a handsome man in a creepy, white, utility van pulled over and with a concerned expression asked me (in French) if he could help and give me a ride home. Of course the ride would have been great, but common sense dictated that hopping into a stranger's van would probably not have been a good idea, and so I politely declined. The man gave me an expression that basically said, "Suit yourself, crazy lady." and took off up the street. I laughed and after a bit of effort, restarted my forward momentum and made it home ten minutes later with bruised shoulders and wounded pride. I will say, that my husband was happy later that day when I texted him about my choice to decline the ride. :)

  My second awkward story took place on the metro. I was on my way the kid's school to meet Ellie for a library party. She had worked her tail off to read a certain number of books in time to go to the party (even though she had only just started school a few weeks earlier). I had made my switch from one train line to another and was seated happily by myself with my music and headphones, when a short, incredibly muscular man stepped onboard. We'll just say that the man was very conscious of his appearance. His spiky hair, leather jacket, indoor shades and cologne spoke volumes. So, anyway, even though there were a number of seats available, this guy chose a spot directly beside me and proceeded to lean forward to adjust the laces on his boot.
All that was fine, I'm used to sitting close to people on the metro, but then, almost on cue, a spider (a really BIG spider) dropped down from the ceiling of the car and landed on his back. I clenched my fist to keep myself from brushing it off (he was a complete stranger after all), but then the spider turned and started creeping right towards me. That was it, game over. There was no way I was going to let it get to me,  so I quickly brushed it off. The man, feeling my touch on his back, sat up and looked at me with a disgusted glare. I put my hands up and said (in French) "there was a ... a ..." and then my mind went blank and I couldn't remember the word for spider and so I made up a word that was way off and the guy just shook his head and scooted over three seats away from me, while I sat looking like an idiot (or a creeper) until the next metro station where I got off, even though it wasn't my stop. Even now, I'm sitting here laughing, because it was so incredibly awkward, and the guy doesn't even know or appreciate that I saved him from the rabid spider!

     Finally, my third awkward moment. This time I wasn't alone. I had with me my daughter, my son  (who has a tendency to laugh even when he shouldn't) and my beagle, Lola. We were out for a lovely stroll a few weeks ago. My son and I were walking (he was holding the leash for Lola), while my daughter was on her roller blades.  I have to interject here and say, that for the record, Lola is a very gentle, fun-loving animal. She is great with kids and babies and really is the perfect dog for us. That being said, she has a mild defect which, on occasion, causes problems.
    She doesn't like carts on wheels. Bikes are fine, roller blades are fine, she has no problem with cars or motorcycles or anything like that, but when it is a cart (like, say ... a baby stroller) she freaks out and goes into full "hair-raised, aggressive barking" mode. We are working on this and we've gotten to a point now where if I see a stroller coming, I pull her aside and she remains calm enough until it passes.
    But, on this particular outing she met a new kind of cart on wheels, in the form of a little old man in a wheelchair. I am embarassed to say, that I have never seen her so angry before. She started barking well before we approached the man, and it was not a "somewhat annoyed" bark, it was a full-on "angry" bark. I took the leash from my son and tried pulling her to the side as the man passed but she clearly wanted to attack his chair. I apologized profusely (once again, in French) but he didn't even look at me. He stared straight ahead and passed by with a red, angry face. I turned around to see my son laughing at the ridiculous situation and felt even more embarrassed. The poor man. All he wanted was some fresh air and he got us.
    My son and I had a serious talk about how it must have made the man feel to see him laughing like that and he understood and felt bad for laughing. All I can say is, wow. Sometimes life just tosses you into ridiculous situations that no amount of explaining (In French or English!) can get you out of.

I'm sure there are plenty of other experiences waiting for me, and with the communication barriers I face, my foot will end up in my mouth again. I just hope that when it does happen, I can laugh at myself and those situations and embrace the awkwardness that is sometimes life!

Many "Right" Ways to be a Mom

    Sometimes, as it is for most families I'm sure, life gets so busy that it's hard to slow down and take time to think about things and record what's going on. But then, there are days when the pull for me is very strong and there is nothing I want more than to sit and write. Today is one of those days.

   It all goes by so fast. One day your son is three-years-old, dressed in a 'Buzz Lightyear' costume with a pumpkin-eyed smile and his little brother crawling around after him, the next he's nearly a man (though his little brother still follows him around) and the family dynamic is completely different. One becomes two, then three, then four and they just don't stop growing. (Insert John Mayer's "Stop This Train" here.)

   Because of our mobile life-style I have noticed that my children's lives are divided into segments. Two years here, three there, one here, and in a way it seems that all of this segmentation has shortened our time together because I can see so clearly how after our family is done in Manila we will go to one year of training, a three year post, and then guess what? Logan will be gone, off on his mission, and college, and future. It will never be the same again and I don't like it. Then, because we spaced our kids two years apart, before we have time to get used to Logan's absence, Linc will be gone, and then Owen and then Ellie.

   Don't worry, I'm not freaking out. Not really. I just see so clearly how fast it is going and I am filled with a mixture of sadness and complete gratitude that I have been lucky enough to have this family. I love being a Mom. There is no job more difficult or more rewarding. I don't make a paycheck (Yet!) and still, I feel rich when I am with my family.

   I think about the modern feminist movement and I am so grateful for how far we as a society have come toward gender equality. I hope though, that feminism remembers to hold a place in its ranks for women who find their life's joy in motherhood, who do not find the daily tasks to be demeaning, or beneath them, but who work in a partnership with good men (or in some cases even on their own) in separate but equally important roles and love it. 

   I believe there are countless ways to be a good mother. I believe there are countless ways for husbands and wives to raise their families well. I strongly support women who work and juggle family life (I admire them actually, I am sure it is not easy), but I would also like to hold on to respect for those who choose a different way. I have noticed recently that the phrase, "stay-at-home-mom" sometimes carries with it a "less intelligent" connotation among the more liberal community. It's simply not true. I've also heard many talk about how religions and certain cultures are brain-washing and subjegating women into motherhood. Now, while I have seen a lot of gender inequality in different cultures both in the U.S. and abroad, and while there is still MUCH work to be done, it should be remembered that many well-educated women, when given the option, still choose (and that is the key word) to stay-at-home ... happily, and that's okay too.

   My desire to stay with my kids when they were younger was a personal choice. I couldn't fathom the idea of somebody else changing the diapers or kissing the bumps and bruises. I didn't want to miss the first steps, or the cuddles, or the giggles. I wanted to soothe the crying and answer the difficult questions. I wasn't willing to turn all of those learning experiences over to anyone else. That was my choice, and even though money was tight while the kids were young, I would choose do it that way again. I have no regrets.

   I want to be clear that I am not against those who choose a different path of parenthood. As I mentioned, I strongly believe there are numerous "right" ways to be a parent. (Now that my kids are a bit older, I am looking into a career myself.) Children need love and support more than anything else, and there are many ways to do that successfully. What I hope for, is that society (and let's be honest, feminists) will recognize full-time moms as being as intelligent and forward-thinking as those who choose to work outside the home or those who choose a career over family life. At the end of the day, it is a personal decision. 

That being said, I wanted to take a moment to update about our family's first two months of 2017! We always have a whirlwind Jan/Feb. Dan, Logan and Linc all celebrated their birthdays within a few weeks. Dan and Logan took off for their birthdays to Hong Kong. (Be sure to ask them about their awkward hotel room with the clear-glass bathroom door!) We are trying to take advantage of our short time left in Asia before we leave. We have less than three months left already, I can't believe it! Linc turned twelve a few days after they got back, and we were excited to welcome my parents for his birthday. They traveled a loooonngg ways to get here. :) In our faith, boys are ordained to the priesthood when they turn twelve, so my parents came for that special event. Unfortunately for my Mom, Owen and Ellie had nasty colds, so she was kind and stayed home from church with them so I wouldn't miss the ordinations. I am very grateful to her for that. Durning their visit, we went to the American Cemetery in Manila, Market Market for some lazer tag (I know you had fun blasting all the little kids Dad) and to Corrigador Island for a tour of the old WWII historical sites there. It was a very humbling trip. War sucks.

   The kids are all doing really well in school. I can't even express to you how much I am going to miss ISM. It is an amazing school with supportive teachers and an accepting, international community. My kids have loved it there. Logan has been very involved being a student ambassador. He is a people-person through and through and loves being involved. He's also really enjoying playing his double bass in his strings class, and has made the track team. He is doing field events. Logan is as "cheeky" as ever and always the energy in our home. I love watching him turn into a man. He's a good one.

   Linc passed the sacrament for his first time Sunday. I think he may have dripped the water cups on about every person at the end of the isle, but all-in-all he did a great job! He is very involved with his soccer class (the kids loves it) and his IT classes. He wants to be a computer programer. He has a fun little group of friends and is always sweet and loves to eat apples. :)

   Owen is my question asker. He gets very deep with his thinking and has gotten to the age where some of his questions are ... interesting. Dan and I try to be very open with our kids and tell them that they can ask us anything. Owen likes to remind me of that often when he has a question he is a little embarrassed to ask. :) He is loving his "batting and fielding" class (They do cricket and baseball, fun!) and a little robotics class. Owen wants to be a famous YouTuber. I'll let you know if/when he gets his channel up and running. Definitely going to monitor that situation closely! 

   Ellie is really excited for the upcoming 'Beauty and the Beast' movie. She saved her allowance for months to buy a 'Belle' dress, so Dan and I got some little gold shoes to match it. She begged to wear them to school today. I wonder if they will come home the same color as when they left? I guess we shall see. Ellie loves her cooking class. She wants to be a baker. She is the best "sharer" I know. Sometimes she tries to share a little too much. I still love having a girl!

   I'm beginning to feel a bit over-whelmed with moving details, and I'm starting to really feel the sadness I usually feel when we are about to leave. I'm excited too, but I have made some amazing friends here. I'll miss them. I'm grateful for social media so we can all keep in touch. I guess, that's enough for now. I hope everyone has a great week!

Logan's Birthday! 

A New Suit (tiger sound)

Ellie helped me make Logan's cake

 These didn't last long. Linc's birthday!

A few from Corrigador Island...

My cute Parents

 Poor puppy had to get shots.

Sports Day!

Hong Kong...

  Fun with friends!

 Ellie getting ready for Valentine's Day

 Spirit Week ...

Logan's week-long service trip to Chosen CHildren's Village

 Crazy Dog.

 Manila in one picture

Up-Down Days

Life in the Foreign Service requires a lot of patience. Yes, it's true that we get to travel around and see some pretty amazing things (I witnessed four middle-aged men on one motorcycle the other day!) but all of that excitement comes at the cost of giving up control over many aspects of life, for example: where we live, what house (or apartment) we live in, job availabilities, school options, pet options, extra-curricular activities, friends, food, cleaning supplies, transportation, air conditioning, ect. All are significant parts of life we learn to make the best of with what we are given. We are at the liberty of where we are posted. Sometimes this works in our favor, other times it does not.

All of this being the case, I recently found myself in a cycle of not expecting things to go my way. To do so seemed to lead to inevitable disappointment, and so I trained myself to be patient and wait and see what happened before I got my hopes up.

This may sound like a good thing, and in some ways I guess it is (Patience is important, right?) but it actually turned into a bad thing for me because I found myself having a hard time making decisions about anything and even expecting things NOT to work out.
I had become a negative person by default, not meaning to expect the worst, but doing so anyway.

We received some exciting news a few weeks ago. We found out we are heading to Brussels, Belgium for our next post. It's the kind of news that should have thrilled me, and it did ... really. Unfortunately, because I had become used to raising the "don't get your hopes up barrier", I found myself having a hard time accepting it and allowing myself to be really happy with the incredible news. I knew how I was supposed to feel, but I was waiting for the ball to drop, so to speak. It was frustrating and left me feeling sad and edgy instead. (Emotions that were making more frequent appearances in my day-to-day life.)

So, I did some research about depression and anxiety and learned that both are greatly influenced by the habit of negative thinking. The sources I read said that negative thoughts are a choice (whether we realize it or not) and can become habitual. To retrain your brain takes practice. Instead of thinking everything is terrible when one thing goes wrong, you need to take a step back and see the trial for the individual incident it is. It's important not to let all the little bad things add up to make everything seem bad.

Last year I wrote a story for my daughter about this very same topic. "Up-Down Days". It's funny because at the time, I didn't think the topic applied to me. Ellie would come home from school completely undone over simple, little things. If anything went wrong, in her seven-year-old mind everything was wrong. The story talks about how everyone has high and low points in their days and we need to remember that just because something is going bad now, doesn't mean it will forever. Here's just a little piece of the story:

"Most days in your life will sink low and fly high,

They’ll be UP-DOWN days, like a carnival ride!

You might start on top in your favorite blue shirt,

Then someone makes fun, and your feelings get hurt.

You’ll stay at the bottom for just a short while, 

‘Til a friend shares a cookie, and brings back your smile.

Your UP-DOWN day will feel happy and sad,

Exciting and scary, and silly and mad.

Then happy again, cause that feeling’s the best.

Being happy feels lighter than all of the rest.

Each morning is special, so jump up and see,

What kind of a day your new morning will be!

Will you play with a puppy or visit the zoo?

Will you have a sore belly or maybe the flu?

You don’t know just yet, what kind it will be,

So get out and play, run around, climb a tree!

Just try to remember, when something goes wrong,

You might be sad now, but you won’t be for long."

I am happy to report that for the past month I have been making a concerted effort to stop my negative thinking and allow space for little things to go wrong without letting it take over my entire day. It has made a huge difference in my life and in my attitude. It is also helping me have more patience with others, including family. I still don't have a lot of control over some aspects of my life, but I am learning to make the best out of what is right in front of me, and allow myself to be really happy about it.

Oh, and btw, I am so, so, so excited for our next adventure! Belgium is going to be amazing.
I feel pretty blessed. Hope everyone out there can have a happy day too!

Quandary: What Do I Want to be When I Grow Up?

Has anyone else ever grown up and still not known what they want to be? I'm sure there are plenty of you out there who feel the same way.  I have been a mom and wife for the last fifteen years. No, I wasn't pressured into it, and no, I don't regret one bit setting aside other ambitions to raise a family. Being a mom is the best decision I have ever made. I feel blessed to have been able to raise my children and be a close, nurturing part of their lives. I would do it again in a heartbeat. But, being a mom is not the type of job that remains the same forever. I have discovered that (like so many other things in life) the roles of motherhood are constantly changing.

When my kids were very young the demands on my time were constant. Little mouths needed to be fed and little bottoms changed. There was a continuous demand for snuggles, cuddles, kisses and hugs. Books were read, baths were given, naps were desperately enforced so that I could steal and hour or two away from the chaos to tidy a room or (heaven forbid) take a shower. It was physically taxing in a way I had never experienced.

But then, guess what? All of that nurturing I faithfully provided over the years worked its magic and before I knew what was happening my children grew. To paraphrase Robert Munsch's Love You Forever, they grew and they grew and they grew. They grew until I now find myself with a teenager, a pre-teen and two others who are following close behind. Everyone is in school all day and my role as a mother, while still very important, has changed. I'm not needed constantly in the same way as before.

The change has been both exciting and confusing because while I've been able to branch out and try new things, I've found it very hard to settle on what it is I actually want to do. I have always looked forward to the day when I could help provide financially to our family. Now that it's here, I have no idea what to do with it. That's not exactly true, I do have about half-a-dozen interests I would love to try. Narrowing it down to only one or two is the tricky part. Add to the quandary my family's unique international life-style and that decision becomes even more complicated.

I am breaking the rules of writing with this little "schpeel" because I have no pre-determined point to make. I have only a list of options rolling around in my brain, and a need to sort them all and make some decisions. I know the right situation is out there for me and I feel like this whole puzzle will be solved through trying, failing, and then re-working and trying again. I'm sure I'll figure things out.

All of this being said, my position as a Mom, though changed, is still my priority. I want to find something that will allow me to do continue to be the mom my kids need in the hours when they are here. I know now how fast time goes by and I want to take advantage of the few remaining years I have left with them at home. As always, they are my number one.

That's all for today. Just felt like getting that out of my mind and into words. I hope all of you out there are finding the things in life that make you happy!

Uncomfortable Isn't Always a Bad Thing

I'm being bad right now. I have about a million little things I should be doing, but I have decided that to keep my sanity, I should spend a few minutes writing. I haven't done it in a little while and I can feel the inner pull to put words on paper or I guess in this case, on screen.

Lately I've been thinking about how I arrived in the place I am at. Never once growing up did I picture myself sitting forty-six stories up in a Manila Philippine's high-rise, or taking my morning run along the beaches of Rio de Janeiro. How on earth did I get here? I think back and realize that really,  it was just one choice, one little step after another that led me to where I am now. It's kind of a beautiful thing to think about. Our lives are a compilation of our choices. Some circumstances we can't control, but our choices are ours.

Last week I was in the massive Market Market shopping center with my son and his friend when I had a strange realization. We had just exited a taxi (which I had flagged down myself), paid the guy  (telling him to keep the change), and were headed for the escalator in search of the much anticipated birthday party destination LazerXtreme. We squeezed ourselves onto the escalator's crowded steps and as the machine rose I took a moment to look around me. I felt squished and uncomfortable, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for Manila, so I took a deep breath and just kept on going.

It occurred to me then that I have grown accustomed to being uncomfortable. I am out of my element most of the time. We move every two years or so to places I know very little about, sometimes to places where I can't understand anyone (our next move is in a year and a half and we don't even know where it will be yet!) and with each move, even after an adjustment period, it never feels completely like home because I know in just a little while we'll be taking off again.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not at all complaining, just observing. Being uncomfortable and then moving forward anyway is a pretty remarkable feeling. It takes faith. Faith that we will all be okay and that the kids will adjust to their new settings. Faith that I'll be able to maintain a house and home in a way that allows the kids to feel security in a life that holds so much change for them. Faith that I can make new friends and feel connected to my community, even if I am often the "strange foreigner", faith that I'll be able to maintain relationships with the family and friends I've left behind, faith that I'll find my balance in whatever new situation I am handed.

Sometimes all this faith wavers a bit and I feel over-whelmed by everything. I miss home. I miss fresh, open air and dirt roads, and barbecues in the backyard while the kids chase fire-flies. I miss having family close by, and being able to call friends during the middle of the day (we are fifteen hours ahead of most of them). I miss the life we would have had if we had chosen a different path. It would have been much less stress, and comfortable and beautiful ... and yet, we didn't choose that path, we chosen this one. The road less traveled, if you will, it is the life we are living now and spending too much time dwelling on what might have been isn't always healthy.

Anyone who has chosen the type of life we have can relate to the feelings of missing home so much it hurts, and yet enjoying the incredible adventure of seeing the world. If we hadn't come, I wouldn't understand how very rich I am. I wouldn't understand how many people there are in the world with next to nothing. I wouldn't understand how many different faiths there are and the beauty that radiates from kind devoted believers of many religions. I wouldn't understand how it is possible to be dirt poor, and still find joy in life. How important good education is to a country's prosperity and how blessed I was to have medical care so readily available to me. I hear time and again of individuals who have died because they weren't able to afford proper medical care. Most importantly, I wouldn't understand how small the world really is, how connected we all are or can be. We are very different from each other, absolutely, but my faith tells me that we are all brothers and sisters, and we are all known.

I am so grateful for this opportunity to be uncomfortable. Dan told me the other day that I have changed since we left Alabama and started this new life. I was worried at first, because I don't really want to change. I want to remain close to everyone I knew before and not become a different person; but as I thought about his comment I realized that he is right. I have changed. And that it's not a bad thing. Much of my personality is the same, but I have become stronger and more confident through this experience. Constant vulnerability has helped me examine who I really am, and what I believe, and it has taught me how to move forward with the peace that comes from faith, even when I am unsure of the outcome. I hope some parts of me will never change, but I'm grateful for the chance to see the world, and learn more about myself in the process. Being uncomfortable is not always such a bad thing.

I Survived...

...the longest summer the kids and I have yet to experience. They finished their school in Rio on the 28th of April, and just started here in Manila last Thursday (on my birthday, thank you very much) August 6th. I already posted about all the many adventures we experienced in that four month time-span, and even though we had a fun time, every one of the kids was excited and ready to begin school again.

We have a few changes this year. The school here in Manila has uniforms for one. I'll be honest, I think they are the preppiest, cutest things I've ever seen and it makes my heart very happy to see the kids dressed in them each morning. Manila is hot and muggy, even in the rain, so shorts are a must. Ellie's spindly legs poke out of her puffy shorts in such a cute way, I just love it. Another change, is that here, Lincoln (who is starting fifth grade) is in the middle school with his brother. The school is enormous and though it is a pre-k through 12th grade school, the elementary, middle and high schools  are divided into different sections. They all ride the bus together in the morning, and then the elementary kids come home about a half and hour before the older ones. Logan and Linc got to pick a few electives, so Logan is in beginning strings, an organization class (his idea...I was shocked!) and is learning Spanish. His Portuguese skills should help him there, either that, or confuse him to no end. We'll see! Linc has Spanish too, and a computer graphics class, and general music. All the kids will have after school classes too. Soccer for the boys, ballet and gymnastics for Ellie, and a few other interests.

I think everyone should be really happy here. My goal is to keep them busy. We do have a fantastic pool area, and plenty of kids running around, but it still isn't the same as the wide open spaces I was raised on, and I worry that with too much time inside, they will get bored and lazy. If I keep them busy doing things, I hope that will help!

Life in Manila is great. It's generally a hot, muggy, smoggy, traffic congested place, but it's full of very nice people, enough English for me to comfortably get by, and shopping centers like no ones business. They have shopping malls, connected to other shopping malls, that are connected to even more shopping malls. It's crazy. Some of them are high-end, others (usually the more crowded ones) have great prices. I'm looking forward to doing my Christmas shopping here.

We don't have our possessions or our car yet, but hopefully within a month we will. I am pretty sure we will be hiring a driver. This traffic makes Rio's look like a drive through the country...really. I have a few friends who do drive here, and I am completely impressed...not necessarily wanting to do it myself, but impressed.

Dan and I received callings in our church. Dan's the boy scout leader (hee, hee) and I am the new Young Women president. Welcome to the ward! :) We're both really excited to be involved and serve here. It's a great ward already. I can tell we will be very happy. That's about all for today I guess. I'm thinking of starting a separate blog that focuses more intimately on the experiences and lessons of this crazy life I find myself living. Something beyond just what our family is doing. I'm mulling it over, and will let you all know if I decide to. Hope everyone has a great day, and let's bring on the pictures!

First off...our new home. Just look up about forty or so floors, and there we live.

Our View

Panoramic

 A few pretty plants from our pool area on a rainy day.

 Fun times at the pool.

Ellie trying to finish her workbook before school starts. All the kids got a prize if they finished their book on time. Ellie was using the crayons to help her subtract. Pretty smart I thought. :)

In the Phillipines they have a dish called, Lechon Baboy, which is basically just a whole, roasted pig like this...

Logan thought he'd be funny a few nights ago and make/be dinner himself. Lechon a la Logan!

Ellie only had school for one hour on my birthday so we got to spend the entire day together. Happy birthday to me!

35 years old.

First day of seventh grade.

 

First day of fifth grade

First day of third grade.

First grade of first grade!

Love these kids!